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Tuesday, 30 December 2008 at 15:26
NOTE: This is an honest insight into my life over 12 months. It's also tremendously long. Cracking, though. Proceed with caution....
I'm sitting here, in my toasty-warm living room, in my new home. It's been 'home' for the past 3 months now. It's nice.
As I write this, midnight has just passed. It's officially the 31st of December 2008. Just 24 hours of the year to go. You know, I was going to say how rubbish this year was. So much has happened that it's easily the worst 12 months of my life. It's also been the best 12 months of my life. It seems the shortest 12 months of my life, too. Yet, if I think about it, so much has happened that it seems the longest 12 months of my life.
As you can guess: Yes, I'm conflicted about the LAST TWELVE BLOODY MONTHS OF MY LIFE.
Come with me, though, to the beginning: December 31st 2007.
I remember hearing the fireworks outside. I was sitting in my sister's room, actually -- mine was a tip and my bed was broken. Everyone else was somewhere else away from me. I had the peace and quiet of an empty room. What was I doing? Well, I'd just discovered Windows Movie Maker, and I was fairly certain that it was the best technology ever created. Outside, fireworks were going off and people were celebrating. I wasn't bothered...
"Bloody hell, you can put a sepia effect on videos!!!!!! JESS! MAM! LOOKATTHIS! STEW! SHAUN! ANYONE???!!"
Anyway, life goes on and I realised that Windows Movie Maker is actually almost as redundant as the retarded kid in a counting competition. Fast forward a week, and I was at University again for the first time in 2008!
"Blooody hell....
[Interjection: Yes, most of my thoughts begin bloody hell. I'm not even joking, it's like the default setting for my brain. Or, indeed, the suitable alternative of "Bloody Fire". Anyyywaaaaayyyy...]
"Bloody hell, there's that Aaron lad. Move to the other siddddddddeee of the roooooooom. That blonde one, too. And her tiny mate. (WHAT IS SHE LOOKING AT?!) And that hairy fat lad. And that fucking geek sitting with them. I'm going to bottle them next time I see them. Patience, though, Adam.... You'll get them eventually. Just get a bottle ASAP. A few, actually."
So, I'd probably sit in the corner. And this is what was running through everyone else's mind at the same time:
"Oh my goodness, there's that kid with the glasses. Look at those glasses. I heard he does no work. Why's he always making so many hand gestures when he talks? Anyway, he's probably going to quit the course. Get changed, you mong. And turn up for Shorthand everyone once in a while."
[INTERLUDE: Ohhhhhhhhh yes, it's true! I was actually rubbish at Shorthand. In fact, I stopped going because Terry made me embarrased about it. I couldn't do it. I quit it in November, and dind't go back till April.]
And, so: that was me. I didn't talk much, I didn't do much, and I went home quickly. If I'd turned up, anyway. Graham stunted my social growth by telling everyone I was "one of those Jehovah's that knocks on your door". He also gave one of my fantastic business cards to a girl who I knew from the bus from Brampton. She never spoke to me again, and laughed at me on a night out recently. Thanks, GrayGray lol
I did make some friends though, as time went on. Trev, Steve, Chris, Steve (another one), Jonny, Graham, Matt, Damien, Courtney, Karl...and so forth. That's in chronological order BAY-BEY. I'm so fucking cool.
AHHH! Big Karl! I miss him, you know. He says he's coming back next year. I doubt it, somehow. But, Karlos Lofthouse -- I'll let you have this: You were right. You did have a big impact on me. Thanks xx
Speaking of Karl, he also owes me an apology lol May 2nd: Election night. We were all going to cover the local elections in Carlisle, and we were going out after. I'd never been out before, like. We bumped into Courtney, who invited us to an art exhibition before, though. "Try this wine," Karl said, "It's only fruit, it'll be okay." Wine is a strong drink, Karl...
But he got me a coke later to dilute it. In fact, Karl got me lots of cokes, even at the venue. Right, and as you might have guessed from the fact that I was giggling like a schoolkid with Helen about the names of the people in the election (Maybe Helen was squiffy, too) I wasn't 100% sensible by this point.
Yes, Karl Lofthouse had been buying me Vodka Cokes, wihtout my knowledge, for hours and hours. He'd been spiking my drink. What a sod.
I don't blame him though. It was my first night out, and I really really really enjoyed it. It's also the first time I met Molly, properly. Before then, I just assumed she was a "Russian Chick with a decent body". Now we go for coffee weekly. I spend too much at Starbucks :(
Right! Fine. I fairly fancied Tasha Hannon. We all know it. She didn't feel the same way. Yes, Aaron, I got knocked back. Yes, Karl, I got knocked back for Andy. Now, will you stop mentioning it every other day now? Please? Nope. Thought not.
Me and Tasha are great mates now tho. I'm actually on good terms with that entire group of people from the beginning. Even Georgie, who was the last one I got to know. Now I love her though. And she loves me. We're running away together. Will we have to adopt Tasha too? Who knows! Probably, like.
I'm fairly good at Journalism, like. I'll mention this now. I also think I'm quite good, which is nice. The only exception to this is Shorthand -- where I'm actually AMAZING. Well, not really. It's nice to have an ego though.
DANCE! OH MY GOODNESS! I've called it "the most important thing I've ever done" before. Actually, since then, it's been supplanted as the most important thing, but it's still huge. See, I always lacked confidence. However, with the help of Damien, Karl, Scotty, and Graham, I learnt a nice little routine. And, boy oh boy, we slaved our guts out on that bad boy. Everywhere I went, I was constatnly going over it. I can still pull out that Robot walk whenever, whereever.
The feeling of reward after doing that dance was incredible. We got a huge applause (Two, in fact) as we were fairly obviously new at this. We still weren't the worst dance there, like, there was some prime tosh on display. I've never really had a major crisis of confidence again since then.
Soon after, university closed. I passed the year fine. We all had a picnic, and had a good laugh. I'd achieved so much, I was chuffed to bits.
Here comes the saddest part, though. And I'm not even joking. In the summer, towards the end, I told my mother that I was breaking away from the relgion that'd been part of my entire life. They were devestated, too, my family. I'll have to hope they don't mind me writing this. It was hard to find one single reason, but it'd been an internal issue I'd been struggling with for more then a year.
I'd actually popped some stuff under my blanket in my room that I could grab quickly, in case I was thrown out of the house on the spot. It never happened though. I owe a big thanks to Rob, here, who was there at a moments notice to meet me. I was devastated too, I think. It was a crack in the foundation of my family relationship that I knew even then couldn't ever be put right. James met me on the night and took me to work with him, too. Thanks to him also.
Really, today, I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I know it was the right choice, but I'd always said I'd do anything for my family, and I still feel so guilty that I couldn't have kept my mouth shut -- I've put them through so much. Still, what's happened has happened. I guess we all just have to make do.
Now, on top of Rob and James who have been nothing but excellent, faithful friends to me for years, Damien "DJ" Johnson deserves a special mention. I've known him a relatively short amount of time, but he's always been there for me when I needed him. He's gone far beyond the call of duty to take care of me.
Him and Shell invited me over for Christmas dinner. They made a fuss, and gave me presents and hugs and one of the nicest meals ever. I was quite quiet at the start, because I was so moved. A few days later, whilst working in Spar with Shell, I found out that they were having Christmas dinner with their familes back home. They'd thrown that Christmas dinner just for me. I'm slightly teary eyed now, I'm just incredibly touched by the gesture.
The, over the days of christmas when he was at home, Damien called me every single day just to talk to me, because he knew I'd be alone. DJ: I know I constantly make offensive jokes and I can be a prick, but you put up with me. So thanks. Heck, you even stomached my constant mood swings up until Christmas itself. I really apprieciate it. Also: if you're reading this, quit this page and save and turn off the game of Civilisation I know you have running in the background, because you probably have work to be doing lol
Oh, my new house! I've got to mention moving in. Made possible they lovely James "Sterling" Bridges, I've got a new house in Etterby. It's demolished like. My clumsy nature has obliterated this home, unfortunately. Me and Aaron are looking for a new place to live in together next year becaues the Landlord wants us out lol The pinnacle of damaging my house was smashing the back window with a brick to break in. Top stuff.
No doubt the best time I had in my house was at Hallowe'en. James, knowing it was my first oppertunity to engage in a festive holiday, went overboard. He rolled up to my house with a pumpkin, a load of decorations, some fake blood and other plastic injuries, and made it a great night. We'd went to Newcastle the day before to get bits for our costumes. Aaron and Aaron's mate Chris came out too, and we had such a blast. We played Glow in the Dark Top Trumps in a dark house for a while, with the loser of each hand taking a shot. (Oh, and I'm a lightweght, one shot is my limit.) Then we took a drink every time we saw a close up of Sean Bean in 28 weeks later. We got a hot tip about a house party that night, so we went over there. We raved in a room, where I wrote my name all over the wall in a flourescent pen. Then we bobbed for apples which floated in what turned out to be cider. I nearly lost my sight lol Aaron did too, but we both got apples in the end. Then I nearly lost my ear, as Aaron nearly bit it off. It went white for ages lol
After Aaron bit more people, we went to TC's and danced for ages. I got into a debate about Psychology and Determinism with someone outside. And I bloody won. Then we went home, and I slept happliy in a pool of my own fake blood. Ahh.
The other night out that sticks out since i've lived here is the one with Aaron, Georgie, Heather, and Georgie's Sister. I can't remmeber her name, like. We went into town and lost a quiz night badly. We then jumped around venues and generally were quite merry. I was quite harsh to George's sister. Never mind though, she thinks I'm super sexy, I hear. Probably because I am. We finally settled on Walkabout, which turned out to be an open mic night for kareoke. Eventually, I believed (read: was inhebriated enough to think that) I was good enough a singer to get george to sing Kareoke with me. However, we all went up in the end, and belted out a horrific rendition of The Ting Ting's classic That's Not My Name. Me and Aaron just shouted, and at the end he went "Boom" and I decided to counter that with "Shabba". The crowd half left during our song. When we arrived in Stanwix, me and Aaron decided mischief was in order. We rang half the course and left messages for them on their phones, then decided to visit those course mates in our immediate vacinity. At 4am. After *ahem* vandilising Tom's house, we thought we'd see Damien, who was asleep. So we banged on his door a bit more, and threw rocks at his windows. Then we posted Slate tiles through his letterbox, which we both agreed was a great alternative to smashing his windows with said tiles. Then, we somehow ended up fallen over in the middle of the road. We had to get up quickly to avoid death by car collision. Aaron's got a pic of us lying in the road, though, it's classic.
I knocked over a bin, by accident, something Aaron found hilarious. I remember jogging down Etterby and hearing crashing noises. That sensible chap Aaron had decided to pull over EVERY SINGLE BIN and kick over EVERY SINGLE RECYCLING BAG on the road. By the time we were at the bottom, people at the top of the road were turning on lights and leaving houses. Let me tell you, readers, we bloody RAN lol. Although, before we got home, I decided to commerate the night by engraving a nearby postbox, which you can still read to this day.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! So much has happened. 2008 -- what a year. I'm so different to how I was a year a go. Nobody can really notice, but I do know. It's amazing. It's been such a brillaint time, but also such an awful one. I've got about 2000 more stories I could tell you about this year, you know. Like the time I set fire to Heather's carpet, or when Aaron kicked me in the testicles. But, catch me in person and I'll tell you all about them.
I feel kinda old, you know. I've aged and matured so much. But, I'm only 19! I'm so excited about 2009, about the years to come. Who knows what I'll be writing next year?? Will Damien and I be married? Will James be at University? Will Molly still have access to the UK? Who knows! It's going to be a hell of a journey though, just like it was in 2008.
I'd like to end by saying "thanks". Sincerly. To my friends, for being there for me. You put up wiht me and I really appreciate it. And, to my family -- I love you very much.
I wouldn't be the person I am now if it wasn't for all of you xx
Tuesday, 23 December 2008 at 09:47
Right, so I fairly smashed the fuck out of my rear window in my formerly-nice student house.
It's gone, it's done. Dead. Destroyed. The brick that I hurled through the window also knocked the hell out of my freezer. Investigations are under way to determine the condition of the freezer. Things are looking good.
Ah, but I laugh about it now. It was just an unfortunate (and, ultimately, quite comical) series of mishaps that happened to me, typical of what usually befalls clumsy, befuddled old Adam on a regular basis. My key broke in the lock...my phone battery died...everyone was away....there was already a key in the back lock...oh, what a list. Anyway, it was actually AMAZING. I'm totally going to a life of crime now, it's easy.
At first I was worried this marked the end of me living in Etterby, but I realised that actually there was no alternative to breaking in. Would you call me an intruder? Well, I did come in-tru-dah-window.
(*ahem* Sorry about that.)
So, I'm just laughing about it. Alot. But I was pleased because I was able to get in touch with mates like Robot, James, and Tasha, who all calmed me down a bit. Heather even came home and lightened the mood. So, thanks gang!
It's cold in my living room now, though, as there's a gap where the window used to be. And a pile of glass on the floor.
OH, RIGHT: Tomorrow, Wedensday October 24th, is the day I'm cleaning up. I'm going to be sad and admit that I'm looking forward to it lol
Friday, 19 December 2008 at 05:34
NOTE: This blog became orientated around maths, specifically the maths of university degree, in the middle. Continue at your own peril.
If there was ever anyone guilty of making the same mistakes, it's me. Oh boy, yes it's me.
In fact, today I was subjected to the same speech I've heard every few weeks for roughly the last 6 years of my life. It's generally something like: "We both know you can do this, so why don't you just do it and stop yourself being the failure there's a fair chance you'll end up being if you don't?"
*sigh*. Oh, I'm completely grateful for everyone who's cared enough to tell me this, by the way. I really am. I'm actually just in a huff with myself. Every time I hear it, it's just a nice reminder that I've failed to achieve properly again.
The thing is, University is my last chance, I wont be in education after this again. I'll have to get a REAL JOB and work hard and stuff. So, I can't say "Oh, I'll do it next time". My degree is the culmination of what I've done so far in life, so I really can't just f**k it all up for the sake of not doing 10 hours work on some essay.
I've shot myself in the foot now, too. I can't afford to make much of a mess-up from now on. The second two years of your course are what count to your degree. That's a total of 12 modules. Going into the Christmas break of the first of those years, I've completed a total of 3.5 modules. 2 of those I'm looking at a rubbish 45-50% grade. In the half module I'm currently looking at roughly 50%. The final module, Law, I got a jolly pleasing 61% for my first assignment. Then I screwed it up by doing barly any work for the second assignment, probably a mark of 50%. Still, at about 55% average, that's my best mark. Which is a huge shan, obviously.
Now, basically my worst module will be chopped off my degree, for whatever reason they head-honchos who devise the University results formulas decided. That's Radio Broadcast gone, then. Which is silly, because it's also the one I was most capable of getting a good mark for. Waste.
So currently it looks like I probably have marks of 47%, 50%, and 55% so far. The situation's not dead yet though. That 50% is only predicted if I handed in work of similar quality to what I've done so far for that module. If I, say, bucked the trend and handed in two pieces of around 70% quality, that module will come out at more like 60% -- making the golden threshold of a 2:1 degree. The 55% is not far off. The 47% is still just a huge shan, however.
Right, now I don't claim to understand the degree results formula, nobody does. But, using all information I've gleaned, my results predictions, and by employing MY HUGE CALCULATING BRAIN, I've deduced the following:
If one module's chopped off, there's 5 modules this year, each constituting 20% of my mark for the year. So, Radio's out as it's a rubbish mark.
The 47% for PA we'll round down, meaning I have 9% towards my total mark for this year from that. The predicted 50% from multimedia, which can change if I put effort in, mind you (or go down if I don't), is 10% more. Total of 19% towards my year two degree. My 55% we'll round down again, adding 10% more to my degree, for a total of 29%.
Now, lets make the target 61%, for a safe 2:1. So, I need to pick up a total of 32% from my remaining two modules, which have a maxium value of 40% if I got a perfect mark for each (do keep up).
Now, using my keen chart-reading skills, I've discovered that those remaining two modules are Television (exciting!) and something like "News, Current Affairs and Debate". Which, actually, I'm sorry to say, is clearly just Ethics for year two students. However, Ethics is a dos. I attended two of the lessons last year and got a mark of about 59% anyway. Television's a new discipline, so it's still a bit of an unknown quantity, but lets be positive and realise how amazing I am and say I can do it.
The brainy among you will have realised that means I need to get 16% from each of these modules to make a 2:1. That means I need to get marks of about 80% in both modules. Damn.
Right, if I do well in Multimedia over the rest of the year, however, I can get a mark for that module of 60%. If we take this back to the mental drawing board (I'm quite impressed with how much information I have on there), then that means I can gain a total of 2% more to my mark for this year. Which means I then only have to aim for 75% in those modules. Which is still a bloody tough target.
If I continue to rationalise though, I'm aware that year two is worth less then year three for your degree. It's more like 45%-55%. So, say I worked well and only got 65% for each of the remaining modules, that's a total of 28% more towards my year two mark, giving me a grand total of 57% for year two. That's a 2:2 shan, right there. That 57% mark in year two is worth 45% of my whole degree, though, meaning if I get the attainable mark of 65% for year two, I can pull my overall degree comfortably to a 2:1 classification. Success!
*phew*. I'm tired after that. Basically, I need to work really hard. Really really hard. Like I probably should have done at some many other points in my life.
I'll probably drop IO, I think. I'll have to, I can't be editor when I've got such problems with my degree. I'll get it going over Christmas, with some sessions with Tony, then I'll have to hand the reigns over to someone else.
Just who though? I have a name or two in mind. Bear in mind, I'm a fan of the idea that the editor of IO is installed as deputy head of IP. The Informer should be one whole thing, it shouldn't have two seperate parts, just two closely linked, inseperable components. The current divide is why there's such uneven effort between the two. Anyway, the one particular name I have in my head is based on that concept. But, I wont be deciding anything. It's up to you lot, I guess. I'll just be a forgotten name by then (cue sad music). Although, my radical ideas so far have made IO work for the first time ever. So lets be sensible and listen to me, eh? lol
I should do more work for Shorthand, too. I rarely do anything outside it, but if I did I could really make a go of it, I guess. That I'm doing well now is either some unaturally long lucky streak, or some underserved natural talent, I guess. I should work harder on the NCTJs though, as a high ranking result from those exams will be a protection if my degree mark is a low one.
Right, PANIC OVER.
Oh, and it's the Christmas break. You know what that means? I'm going on that time-stealing invention called Football Manager. Ah, it's good to have time off.
Thanks to everyone, particularly the course leaders and my uni mates, you've been good, as usual. You can help me stop being an idiot just a little more if you show me this blog every time I don't do any work xx
PS I love 2Pac right now. That is all.
Wednesday, 17 December 2008 at 05:49
Well, I've just finished typing up a nice email apologising to my tutor for sending an email to him in the middle of the night which contained an improvised wrap I had wrote for him.
Sending it has easily been one of my worst decisions so far this week, which has included some bad choices.
For instance, I've barely got my work done. I just ignored it. I've been working hard whilst not going to uni and I'm still behind. Staying off itself is a bad decision in itself. It's odd how your first response to a depressing situation can be to lock yourself in with it, alone. As Aaron would say: "Hmmmm." Or, more likely, he'd probably say: "Shut up, Adam," for whatever reason.
You see, sometimes you make a bad decision and the cosmos (or whatever) lets you off with it. You get a free pass. You go to bed and awaken to find a new positive spin on life. Sometimes, though, you'll wake up to find that a problems being held against you. And, I've had a fair few of the latter type recently.
However, when you get these situations, you just have to puff out your chest, look strong, and tackle the situation head on. Get out there and wrestle it to the ground. You're not getting forgiven your sins today, so you just have to make the best of it, even if it exposes you to some sort of embarrasment, or hurt. Because that's life. I'm trying, of course. Some are sorted.
Ah, I'm glad for the Christmas break's impending arrival. It'll be good to have a rest, get stuff sorted, and come back refreshed next year. I'll have the house to myself, too. I'll also get the chance to catch up with the older gang of people who all left for Uni this/last year, who're all heading home for the festive season.
Dr Who is on, too. I don't need to explain how happy this makes me inside.
Once again I beg forgiveness from the mighty Terry. Who, despite what my email said, I quite respect and like. I'm quite proud, though, tha even though I was of altered state at the time, I still came up with this classic opening:
"Yo Terry, Nobody turned up for your court visit,
It's a sure sign nobody cares, isn't it?"
Word. And, like I find myself thinking when looking back on last Saturday-- the start of a series of unfortunate events -- it just got worse from there. Lets just try to laugh about it, aye?
Take care xx
PS Enjoy the holidays, no matter what your faith/perspective/opinion on it is. It's time off to spend with the people you love, whatever the situtation, wether you take part or not. Well that's what I think. I don't even care, I just want Dr Who to be on, really.
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