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Thursday, 26 February 2009 at 09:14
Something potentially interesting has happened today.
For a while, it has become obvious that a jump away from The Informer Online is necessary. We need to move to something independent, that we can poke and manipulate as we decide to.
Well, today it happened. There was a big "snap" in the air and the decision was made, immediately, all in sync with one another.
The sole benefit of the old site was that the server space was free. Instead, we're going to jointly share the great burn den of £30 (which, actually, will cost us £2 each).
The benefits of moving to something new? There's plenty. Primarily, efficiency will be increased. And not by any small amount. There will be less restrictions on what we can cover, more freedom regarding which voices we decide to echo around Cumbria. I don't need to type more, because pretty any issue you have had with The Informer Online will be alleviated by the introduction of a student-owned service.
Exciting times.
Wednesday, 25 February 2009 at 07:10
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I'll have to give you the same answer as I did when I was a child: I do not know.
There is a slight difference, though. I am now nearly twenty years old, yet still stumbling about in the dark; I'm still hoping to find that torch which will burn bright and reveal my path.
Journalism is the obvious choice, and I have been keen on it. The talent's there. It's inside me, just obscured by the misty haze of my own indecisiveness. If only there was an end goal to use as a focus.
I'm left feeling like a pyramid without a top. All this time is spent building and building, but what to? The News and Star? Recycling press releases scrawled by the office printer into 'stories'? I'll pass.
Where is the drama and adventure? I don't want my most important diary date to be the mayor's tea party.
Writing about video games was another plan, but the industry is in a state. There are no journalists who write about video games, save for the few who produce Edge. Picking up a scalpel doesn't make you a surgeon; using a pen doesn't make you a journalist.
There is something out there though -- for everyone. Ah, maybe I am just a bit weary today. I'll have to ask Helen for some of her advice.
Wishing you well,
Adam xoxo
Tuesday, 24 February 2009 at 14:33
After last week's morale-killing skiving session, I'm now feeling a whole lot more positive about what I am achieving.
I have been working hard in that contemporary consumer paradise known as SPAR and drawing some positive comments from the bosses, which makes a change.
Of course, I still find the time to gulp down a cup of tea behind the till as I blatantly ignore the gaggle of slack-jawed patrons anxiously hopinh to be served, it's just now I manage to fit in some work between tea breaks.
At the University of Cumbria I have managed a two-day attendance streak, even if I skived one half day of that period to go home and play Street Fighter IV (which, by the way, is fantastic). The Informer benefited hugely from my expert eye and energising presence on deadline day.
Well, I helped out a little bit.
I made peace with the person who was rapidly becoming my mortal enemy, which has left me with a warm feeling inside.
Oh, and I even managed to successfully wind up Shell. Hook, line and sinker.
So, I am feeling quite good at the moment. My recent experiences have taught me that laziness in any aspect of my life quickly spreads, like the bad apple's rot when left in the bottom of a barrel, so I am trying to keep the momentum going.
Whilst on this hot-streak, I have a few things I want to achieve:
1.Do some shorthand! I haven't picked up my pen in months.
2.Get my PA essay handed in, which was required long before Christmas. That's a fail, then.
3.Finish Tony's assignment in good time, to a high standard.
4.Revise for my Local Government exam, and decide if I can sit it this year.
5.Join the NUJ.
6.Do more stories, particularly for broadcast.
7.Get my writing style straightened out again. Practice is what makes me so perfect.
Still, life's going well right now. I hope things are going well for you too.
Adam xoxo
PS Thanks to Georgie, who constantly reminds me to do more work. Thanks x
Thursday, 19 February 2009 at 04:58
Over the past few days I have talked to a few people who are worried that somebody "doesn't like them". Heck, I've wondered that in the last week, too. It's just a natural thing. We all like to feel that we are well liked in our little microsociety.
Really, though, does it matter if someone likes you? We're all human and we're all prone to bad days. We all have bad habits. Even if we acted flawlessly, there are going to be occaisions where simple misinterpretation leaves one party in an exchange feeling offended.
I have lots of friends who other people don't like. One guy is contantly getting called "weird" or "a jerk", when I know him to have a soft centre like those little chocolates some people get on Valentines day. Not me, though lol
Sometimes, after a little while, people have changed their opinion. They will say: "Hey, you're alright, you know?" Sometimes they never get the chance to. But, one of my favourite things about that guy is that he doesn't care. Sure, if someone switches and warms to him, then he's happy. But if they still dislike him, then he's happy too. He's got his close friends, he's got self-confidence and he's content with himself. He's not even angry with the other person, he's entirely uncaring about their opinion.
My suggestion is that we all try to be like him. If you're rude to someone, for whatever reason, then make amends. Silly fights happen all the time. But don't kill yourself over it if they hold it against you. If we all spent time worry about what others think then we just couldn't cope.
I have had simmering tension with someone recently, and I am now a bit embarrased to say I was planning a big confrontation!
Writing this, though, it's put things into perspective. Big confrontations generally solve nothing. Someone else is fine to have their opinion of me, that's fine. We all know what I can be like! They're not 'right' about me. Just like with a news story, there's never just one 'truth' to a matter, and it is the same with people. But I'm a good person, that's good enough for me. If that's not for you, then that's a shame, and you're the only one who has to deal with it.
I try to judge people how I would want to be judged. At the end of the day, I'll like anyone as long as I think they're a good person deep down. They can have any of the personality flaws we all share or cause as much offense as they like -- but a good person is still a good person. Heck, one guy I know riles one of my close friends off the planet. But I look at the person and I just smile at all the stuff they do, because I know they wouldn't mean any of it if they truly knew what they did. And that's true of most people.
So maybe I've judged some people to harshly recently. Still, maybe not. Oh well.
Oh, and something Shellephant said that I kinda pertinant, and I also think is a good mindframe to strive for: "I'm alright, and everyone else is alright too."
This blog has left me quite happy and content! :)
Take it easy xoxo
Monday, 16 February 2009 at 07:03
I'm starting to wonder how happy you 'should' be.
How happy are you? Well, you know that. Me? I'm fine, I think. I'm happy enough. I trundle along.
Well, "I trundle along" is a bit of an alarm. Does "I trundle along" = "happy"? Or is it more like existing?
Most people get one chance at University. So you've got to really get everything you can from it. However, I've started to notice that I'm getting my work done (eventually) then just falling into bed. It's not amazing, really.
So, I'm making a decision! I'm going to try and have the most fun I can in my life from now on! Of course, you're supposed to get work done. That's fine, I like work. But you're also supposed to be having fun! You're supposed to hop out of bed this morning each day excited about what you're going to get out of the next 24 hours. So I'll make sure I've got plenty of fun things to do as well.
Because, really, if you're not excited about every single day, are you really living life right?
Friday, 13 February 2009 at 12:48
It's nearly 9 o'clock now. I have been ill all day. I had to stand in the cold for hours taking the opinions of random passers by for the BBC. I'm knackard. I'm hungry. I'm done in.
But, I'm so happy!
You see, back in the old days of William Howard School, when I was in Year 8 and 9, I had the biggest crush on a girl called Allison. She was the first girl I really liked. Conversely, her boyfriend and his mates bullied me a lot. Yes, it was a bit "American Pop Teem Sensation's Music Video" style. Ha, it really makes me laugh now! Ohhhh, I was so youngggg.
Anyway, I remember at the same time a game called Jet Set Radio came out. It had a song on it which I have no discovered is called "Aisle 10 (Hello Allison)". In my love-fuelled depression, I used to listen to that song lots and lots and lots and lots and lots lol
I've been searching for this track for ages, but finally somebody on an internet forum got back to me with a youtube link to the song! Just listening to it makes me feel 11 years old again.
It was totally how I felt.
Hellooooo Aliiissoonnn, I wannna hold your hand.......
Monday, 9 February 2009 at 11:33
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I never went into Uni today. I spent yesterday languishing on the couch, watching the BAFTAs and hoping Mickey Rourke would run on to the stage and hold everyone hostage till he was given an Oscar. He didn't, in the end. He settled for one of the BAFTAs instead.
I get frustrated when I don't do anything! I feel a waste of space - really pointless. Just like how Jason Orange from Take That must feel. GO AWAY ORANGE!
Since I've taken up skiving a lot, I've began to watch Loose Women on ITV. It's dead good. Honest.
Anyway, you'll probably see me working harder some time soon. I want to be better.
Adam x
PS Everyone should see "The Wrestler". It's an amazing film.
Wednesday, 4 February 2009 at 14:59
Well, I've finally started to go to University a bit. Term commenced about 3 weeks ago, and I've managed a staggering THREE DAYS of attendence during this time.
I know quite well why this is. It's because I hate everyone on my course. In fact, I hate everyone. I'll elaborate on this later.
I really didn't enjoy University for the first months in year one. I planned to quit, and came *this* close. Then, after Christmas, I continued to struggle, but then really came to enjoy the course more and more right up until we broke for the Summer.
At the start of this year, I didn't do so well. I didn't turn up a lot. I started to gain ground a bit but in general I just majorly crashed and burned during the first semester. Since coming back after Christmas, I've really done nothing at all.
Anyone noticed a pattern here?
Yep, I suck after a holiday. At everything. It takes me a very long time (particularly compared to the average Joe) to get used to being around a lot of people after being isolated during a holiday.
It's typical "Adam" behaviour: I'm rude. I display a lack of awareness for other people's feelings even more then usual. I'm lazy. I really just dont care. Best of all, I hate everyone I talk to on a daily basis. The only exception is Aaron, who I'm used to spending time with because we're domestic partners. I don't mean homosexuals. Throw in James and Rob, who I've known for ages.
And by "hate", I mean I feel a burning desire to punch anyone I'm talking to in the face. I want you to leave me alone. Yep.
And it's nothing to do with the person in question, of course. I really love all of my friends who I see, and I appreciate you all tremendously. The reason for my dislike is that I'm being defensive.
Everyone knows I've always struggled with dealing with people and that. It's quite petrifying for me, particularly when I'm not used to it. So I put up a guard where I force people away. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DEFENCE MECHANISMS. It's really annoying, but I just have to work through it till I'm comfortable again.
I panic quite a lot too. I'm trying to avoid buses and situations where I have to sit still and the like, as I get outbursts inside where I suddenly feel compelled to leave a room, or something, and just go and sit in my room or somewhere where I'm not being watched. Notice today when I left the court, if you'd watched me leave you would have noticed I went into the toilet for ten minutes rather then going down the stairs to the exit. To stand in a cubicle alone. Yep -- It has become apparant that I'm mental.
(Also, and this is odd-but-true, I feel compelled to take my clothes off when I feel paniced. Weird-o.)
I suggest you make a check-list of my typical behaviours and see if you can spot them. Then it's a game. For instance: "Needlessly causing conflict" or "Demonstrating a huge ego". First one to get them all gets the prize. You can always tell if I've had one of my panic spells because I will do the slightest twitch or try to twist my neck or crack my fingers, i'll start shifting in my seat (if I'm sat down) and I'll have goosebumps up and down my arms.
Anyway, I am sorry if I upset anyone. It's just something that really effects me. Actually, having written it down now I'm considering investigating this with a doctor or something, as it's something that really effects me. AH well. Sorry everyone. I'm not actually mental or anything, and I don't want to upset you.
Please bear with me xx
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